Altered Beast (1989)

"Wise fwom your gwave!"  It's Altered Beast for the Sega Genesis, one of the first games I ever played for the big black box.  Released as an arcade game in 1988 in the arcade, it was actually a pretty cool beat-em-up.  Not many arcade games let you play as peanut headed, muscle bound Roman soldiers beating the shit out of zombies, demons, and dragons.

It's like the Roman version of Lex Luger.

Only one year later, the arcade was ported to the Sega Genesis.  While inferior to the arcade, it is generally received as a decent port, particularly for the time it was made.  More often than not, it is seen as a nostalgic curio.  So how does it hold up today?  Let's dive into this beast.

"Power up!"

"Welcome to your doom"

Story- You play as a fallen Roman centurion revived by Zeus to rescue his daughter, Athena.  She has been

Kicking undead ass as Fozzie Bear!

captured by Neff, the Uncle Fester of Ancient Greece.  You may be asking, "What the hell is a centurion doing in Greece rescuing a Greek goddess?"  That's a good question.  I haven't the slightest idea.  What I do know is that your character is endowed with the power to gather energy from spirit balls.  Picking up three will enable you to transform into a powerful creature.  This ranges from the kickass tiger to the laughably stupid bear.  Each creature has their own unique attack.  More on that later.

Don't worry.  This boss is a total pushover.

Graphics- The graphics are average at best.  Remember, this was made in 1989, the very beginning of Sega's launch.  In fact, many Segas came bundled with Altered Beast.  Arcade ports like this, Forgotten Worlds, and Golden Axe were the springboards for Sega's success down the lines.  How do the graphics hold up today?  Not very well, but they've aged better than some old games.  Character animations are simple but relatively fluid.  Character and creature designs are unique and true to their arcade counterpart.  The backgrounds are colorful, but static.  Not much going on back there.  On a grade scale, I'd give the graphics a C+.  Moving on.
Controls- It feels like an arcade beat-em up.  You've got your standard punch-kick-jump combo on the D-Pad.  In addition, holding up and jumping enables you to do a higher jump.  Not too shabby.  In addition, you are granted special beast powers when you transform, including fireballs, a powered charge, arc lightning, and "super bear breathe" that turns your enemies into stone (What the hell?).

What were they smoking?

Music- The Sega Genesis is known for a lot of terrific things.  Excellent sound quality is not one of them.  Altered Beast is no exception.  Although it holds a special place in my heart, it sounds like it's being played through a tin can.  That's not to say the music is terrible.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  Altered Beast had some catchy music.  Here's the boss theme from the Sega:

However, the music doesn't hold a flame to the original arcade.  Another thing Altered Beast is known for is the voice-synthesis software.  I can't pretend that the voice acting in this game is anything but hilarious.  The very first thing you hear when you press the start button is Zeus speaking in an Elmer Fudd drawl, "Wise fwom your gwave."  To me, it just adds another element of charm to the game.

"Gomez!  Help me!"

Gameplay- The game plays just like an old school arcade.  A damn hard one, however.  You have three lives in Altered Beast.  As Revolver Ocelot said, "There are no continues, my friend."  You have three lives to make it through five reasonably sized levels, each with a boss at the end.  Not impossible, but very difficult.  It doesn't take much to die in this game, either.  Those undead ghouls throw out jabs like Sonny Liston, and they can do a lot of damage.  Keep your distance and kick those fuckers in the shin.  They'll go down faster than you can say, "Blast Processing".  

The bosses are pretty strange and require a bit of strategy to beat.  You've already seen the head-throwing demon and the eyeball monster above.  They're not too hard.  The third boss is some "Snail Dragon", but he won't give you much grief.  The ones you have to worry about are the fourth and fifth boss.  The fourth boss is some crocodile monster with a molten everlasting gobstopper embedded in his belly.  He'll shoot flames and little flaming imps that'll kamikaze your ass at the most inopportune moments, so you'll have to be on your toes and plan your shots carefully.  

He's dressed like Liberace,
but he's a tough bastard.

The last boss is Rocksteady.  He's an aggressive bastard, and he'll punch, kick, and charge your ass into the ground if you don't have sufficient health.  

Unless you're some sort of gaming wizard, you probably won't.  

Worth every penny.

Just like any good arcade game, this is two players.  This gives you a good opportunity to be a prick and steal your friend's power orbs.  There's no friendly fire, so you won't have to worry about accidentally lobbing a tiger ball at your friend's head by mistake.  It's a solid two-player game that I've enjoyed with many of my friends.    
Final Thoughts- Altered Beast is the jalopy of the Sega Genesis.  It may not look like much, and it may sound like total shit sometimes, but it has a certain charm about it.  Sure, there are better arcade ports on the box, but I can always fall back to Altered Beast for some bear blasting, fireball throwing action.  My only criticism is that it is a very short game.  Good players can crank this game out in less than 30 minutes.  More levels and more beasts would make for a much better game.  This game is as easy to find as oxygen.  My recommendation would be Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection.  In addition to playing the Sega port, you can also play the original arcade.  If you're a diehard fanboy, the original cartridge isn't hard to find.  Shell out a few bucks and start cracking skulls.

Rating (Out of 5)- ***1/2 

Toki: Going Ape Spit (1991)

Ah, Toki.  You know just by looking at that cover that this is gonna be one goofy ass game.  To nobody's surprise, you'd be absolutely right.  Toki was originally released as an arcade platformer in Japan under the name Juju Densetsu.  The arcade game was goofy and slow paced, but it had its place in the arcades.

In fact, it was so popular, this game was ported to nearly every major console.  Amiga, Nintendo, Commodore 64 and even the Atari Lynx had their own ports of the game.  From what I've heard, the Amiga port is generally the favored port .  Naturally, Sega threw their hat in the ring and created their own unique 'remix' of the game.  The Sega Genesis port is a strange beast.  The original arcade game had unique stages with a boss at the end, not unlike a game such as Ghosts n' Goblins.  The Sega version separates the stages into segments where the goal is to reach a goal marker like Sonic the Hedgehog.  More on that later.

"Unlimited Power!"

Story- Our hero Toki (or Juju) is enjoying a lovely day with Princess Wanda, until a mystical palace rises in the background.  Wanda is captured by the disembodied Bashtar, while Toki is transformed into an ape by the mysterious Dr. Stark.  The transformation also gave him the ability to shoot magical energy balls from his mouth.  It's Mario with a ball spitting primate.

Graphics- The graphics aren't bad, but they can be a bit bland sometimes.  There are some decent background effects, but this is not a game that showcases the full power of the Sega by any means.  Sonic the Hedgehog came out in the same year, and that had so much more going on in the backgrounds.

That being said, there are some decent effects in the game, particularly in the ice and lava stages.  The color palette for the game is not terrible.  There are bright hues of purple, blue, and red in many stages.  The animation on Toki is crisp and even humorous sometimes.  The other enemies are a mixed bag.  Many of the bosses have very little animation at all.  Two of the bosses, Eyesore and Crystal Mammoth, have virtually no animation.

This bastard can be a real pain in the ass.

Controls- The controls leave something to be desired.  First off, your character moves with no urgency whatsoever.  When something is dropping on your head, your character can only trundle out of the way and hope to not get hit.  In addition, jumping can be a bit tricky, especially on the ice stage.  It sucks.  You slide all over that damn stage and can't do a thing to protect yourself.  There's no room to fuck up.  One hit, and you start the level all over again.  Not necessarily bad controls, but very slow and takes time to get used to.  

Sound-  Listen to the song below:

Do you like it?  It is pretty awesome?  I hope so, because you'll hear this damn song throughout most of this tedious game.  There are other level songs in the game.  The first one that comes to mind is the underwater stages, which isn't a bad little music track.  The bosses also have their own little unique track.  However, this game could use so many more tracks.  Because the music is nearly identical for all of the stages, many of them feel like you're playing the same stage over.

Gameplay- This game suffers from very slow gameplay, especially for a platformer.  Compare this to something like Sonic or Rocket Knight Adventures, and this just falls flat.  I have two main criticisms of this game, but they pretty much butcher the gameplay.  First, the level design is horrible and sometimes cruel.  There are several instances where you take a leap of faith only to have a row of spikes planted firmly in your hairy ass.  Levels are riddled with dead ends and ledges that lead to nowhere.  This segways into my second criticism: You can never tell what's going on around you.  I can't tell you how many times I've died because I jumped in the air and some flying fuckbat decides to dive bomb at that very moment.  In addition, there are many times where you just don't know what the hell is below you.  Is it a piece of fruit?  An extra life?  Some enemy waiting to get a cheap hit?  Jump down and find out.
Now that we've got that can of worms out of the way, let's talk about the actual gameplay.  You walk around the levels at a snail's pace, shooting energy balls from your mouth.  You can pick up powerups to change your shot, such as a flamethrower, bouncing balls, and a spread shot.  There's also a pair of tennis shoes that allow you to jump very high.  Don't get it.  You'll end up jumping into an enemy and killing yourself.
There are several bosses in this game, and many of them are unique and fun to play.  My favorite is the blatantly stereotyped black woman called Primeval.

Oh, Japan.  You and your racist video games.

       In addition to Aunt Jemima, you also fight a submarine loaded with apes, a fat monster that belches at you, and the disembodied giant that captured your lovely Wanda.  Once you get the pattern of many of them, they can be pretty easy.  It only takes one shot to kill you, so don't screw up.
Final Thoughts- This is a poor port of an already slow paced arcade game.  While the graphics and sound aren't terrible, the gameplay is slow, boring, and irritating.  There's many cheap kills and annoying level designs that will leave you throwing your controller on the ground.  This game's not cheap, either.  It will cost at least $10 to get your hands on a copy of this game.  Do yourself a favor: play a better port, or even better, play a better platformer.  I'll review one of the best platformers Sega has to offer next.
Rating (out of 5): **